Contemplative

Today seemed to go better than the past couple days have.  I'm still behind in my classwork, but that is a horse of a different color.  Dad got me chocolate ice cream...it was delicious.  I weighed myself this morning and I lost 2 more lbs (YAY).  I go tomorrow for my workout at the hospital (yay free rehab)...so I will get the "official" weigh-in there.  I should bring good tidings on THAT matter.  Overall, I realized the word I was searching for was lost.  I was lost in my own emotions, and needed to find a direction again.  It is so difficult to stay focused on your own life and responsibilities when other things in the world are just coming at you at so many different directions.  I can't control everything...but I want to.  This, chaos, that I feel is surrounding me has beaten down my defenses and I have allowed it to take control.  It is going to be a struggle, but until things calm down, I will just have to take things day by day...and pray that my professors forgive me!

Searching

I can't exactly label how I am feeling, hence why I have labeled this post as "Searching."  So much is going on.  My diet is continuing to be successful despite me not being active in recording my points.  I have hit the 5lb loss mark!  I am not exercising as I should, but I am battling myself for any spark of motivation.  I have become behind in my homework, and am desperately trying to get myself to focus.  Sleeping is easy.  I can escape and just find peace of mind for hours.  No worries.  No thinking.  No emotions.  Just peace. 

I have a laundry list of things that I have to do.  I wish the motivation fairy would visit me and sprinkle some of her magic motivation dust on my head!  I find myself giving my time to other people, which is much easier than focusing on what I have to do.  It isn't neglect on my responsibilities, just a wish to ignore the things that have begun to stress me out.  I need excitement again...something to perk me up and spark the creativity that has apparently taking an extended vacation.  Vacation...I love that word...can I take one now?

About Time

So many things have happened to me recently.  I beat cancer, got engaged, started back as a full time student...but the most important thing that has happened to me has been my decision to join Weight Watchers.  Two weeks ago, I decided to make a change to my life and lose the weight that has been dragging me down for years.  Having cancer did not help keep the weight down either.  I started at 253 and sit at 250 (yay for 3lbs lost the first week).  But being in Morganton with my fiance has lost my will to track, and now I'm sick, so I can't stay as active.  This is my own fault.  I need to be more dedicated.  I hope to post daily my successes/failures so that you (my readers) can help keep me motivated and on track!  My goal is 30lbs by the wedding (August 11th).  This is possible and completely within my abilities.  Hopefully I won't stay sick for long and can pick up where I left off.

I am looking forward to your support!