Reflections

As I sit here drinking my lukewarm coffee and enjoy the silence of nap time, 

I find myself reflecting on the past few months.

Rhys Elen was born on May 17.  He is my love and my reason for being.

I never truly understood the term agape until I held him for the first time.

I am reflecting, however, on the type of mother that I always imagined I'd be, 

and the type of mother that I am starting out as.

I'm not happy.

I am not the cookie-cutter 50's mom that I always wanted to be.

I lose my cool when my son is fussy, I don't have myself put together, and I am lucky if I get a shower everyday.

I wanted to work, come home, clean, cook for my husband, and begin the next day the same.

Then there is the reality that the cookie-cutter mother doesn't exist anymore.

Jobs are required by both parties to survive and life has become so full of busy, that home life is stressful.

But maybe there is a fraction of light at the end of the tunnel.

I can create a miniscule part of that vision.

I may not have a good track record so far for mom-of-the-year, but maybe I can take today to start new.

Make a plan.

Take action.

Repeat.

Asking for help is optional, but not prohibited.

 We just moved into a two-bed/one-bath singlewide, and the feeling of being in a HOME is amazing.

Boxes are everywhere, and it's a mess, but it's ours.

We pay rent month-to-month, but the owners have given us permission to do whatever we want to the place. 

That freedom is appreciated and needed.

Hopefully this new start can truly be a new beginning.  So far it has started out rocky, but today is new and yesterday is gone. 

I need to start letting the past go, keeping my head up, and looking forward.

Maybe I'll get to have a hot cup of coffee tomorrow.