Reflections

As I sit here drinking my lukewarm coffee and enjoy the silence of nap time, 

I find myself reflecting on the past few months.

Rhys Elen was born on May 17.  He is my love and my reason for being.

I never truly understood the term agape until I held him for the first time.

I am reflecting, however, on the type of mother that I always imagined I'd be, 

and the type of mother that I am starting out as.

I'm not happy.

I am not the cookie-cutter 50's mom that I always wanted to be.

I lose my cool when my son is fussy, I don't have myself put together, and I am lucky if I get a shower everyday.

I wanted to work, come home, clean, cook for my husband, and begin the next day the same.

Then there is the reality that the cookie-cutter mother doesn't exist anymore.

Jobs are required by both parties to survive and life has become so full of busy, that home life is stressful.

But maybe there is a fraction of light at the end of the tunnel.

I can create a miniscule part of that vision.

I may not have a good track record so far for mom-of-the-year, but maybe I can take today to start new.

Make a plan.

Take action.

Repeat.

Asking for help is optional, but not prohibited.

 We just moved into a two-bed/one-bath singlewide, and the feeling of being in a HOME is amazing.

Boxes are everywhere, and it's a mess, but it's ours.

We pay rent month-to-month, but the owners have given us permission to do whatever we want to the place. 

That freedom is appreciated and needed.

Hopefully this new start can truly be a new beginning.  So far it has started out rocky, but today is new and yesterday is gone. 

I need to start letting the past go, keeping my head up, and looking forward.

Maybe I'll get to have a hot cup of coffee tomorrow.

I've Been Away...

...from blogging.

This pregnancy and the emotional roller coaster that goes along with it has taken it's toll on me.

So, here's a short post of things that I'm looking forward to next week!

• Hanging out with a friend who is due with her baby girl soon!

• Can't wait for my appointment on Tuesday, although it will be a long one.

• Vocal Blast rehearsal on Tuesday evening.

•  Baby intro class at the hospital I'll be delivering in.

• Baby shower for a friend!

 

Totally not feeling up to doing much of anything right now...

I have plenty that I'm feeling and personally dealing with, but there's no point in talking about it because it always seems to fall on deaf ears.  Even if it doesn't, nothing ever changes, so I just keep up the good fight by myself.

Oh well.

Onwards to the next week!

 

Before you were "Mommy"

Being pregnant, I follow a forum on TheBump.com for May 2014 babies.  This forum shares our fears, joys, hilarious moments, and other nonsense.  Today, however, a link to a blog post was listed, and after reading it, I knew I had to share it.

Read Blog Here

There are several points made in this post that hit home, and after speaking with several other "mommies" out there, I feel that this might be reassuring to the emotions that everyone is facing. 

Please take the post in context.  Yes, it mentions keeping God at the center of your marriage, but even if you aren't a Christian, there is still some good that you might be able to get out of the read.

Allow me to highlight a few points that I felt really hit home for me:

"When we found out that we were pregnant with my son (now 4), my husband and I became one of those “new parent” couples. We researched together, shopped together and made every choice surrounding the arrival of our new baby together."

My husband and I have planned everything baby related together as a team.  We are both super excited about the new addition to our little family and can't wait for his arrival!  I think he had more fun registering for baby stuff than I did!

"To greater prepare ourselves for baby boy’s arrival, we even took one of those courses for new parents offered by the hospital."

We are signed up to take the 1 day class February 27th.

"If only our instructor had sat us down and said, 'Ladies, before you were Mommy, you were his. Men, before you were Daddy, you were hers. Remember this. Hold on to this. Keep these words precious to you.'"

Some tend to disagree with the "you were hers" and "you were his" due to ownership and independence, but I don't think that is what the writer is meaning.  She is simply trying to explain the importance of keeping the relationship centered and remember that the love and bond that you share is there, although things might not seem like it.

My husband and I are beginning to go through the emotional struggles already and it hurts.  But we have to remember to keep strong in our relationship and trust that things are going to work out for the best.  It isn't going to be easy, and adding a baby to the mix is going to throw a wrench in everything, but it is worth it (or so I'm told). 

I might hang her words somewhere visible to both of us to help through the tough times.  Despite the harsh words and the anger, at the end of the day I love my husband and he loves me just as much, if not more.  The only thing that can tear us apart is us, and the only thing that can keep us together is us.  I didn't understand what my family meant when they said that marriage is work, but I do now.

I hope this article brings you a sense of support and retrospect.  I may still be pregnant with our first child, but I plan on nipping it in the bud as soon as I begin to see signs of struggle.