Faulty Wiring

It may seem as if I have my life figured out and my priorities in order,

but that is far from the truth.

I have some faulty wiring...

 

I have depression...tell me something I don't know, but I am on medicine that controls it.

This doesn't mean that I don't have my string of days that I don't feel as if I'm falling apart and don't want to continue on the happy trail that I was following.

 

Whether this chain of events is caused by loneliness, finances, stress, or some other factor, only God knows the truth.  But something in me breaks and keeps me from continuing in a strong and confident stride.

 

I am happily married to my best friend, we have a beautiful, 6-month old mix puppy named Elphie, and I am employed at a job that I love doing.  Why the long face then?

 

Faulty Wiring...I swear by it.  It's as if my mental wiring got mixed up, and when a trigger hits, *ZAP* There goes the happy, productive, and confident Tiffany, and here comes the "I don't give a crap," and "I don't know why I gave up" excuses. 

 

I've been trying to dig myself out of this hole since August...I'm just NOW getting to the edge with and can feel the sunlight on my hands as I reach for a root to grab onto for support.  I haven't reached the fresh breeze on my face yet, but I am on the right track.

 

I would like to credit my family, friends, and husband for the healing, but I can't.  I sought out help.  Despite the many negative experiences I have had with therapists throughout my college years, I gave it one more shot...and I nailed it. 

 

As a friend told me, seeing someone isn't going to be a 1, 2, or 3 session transformation.  This is going to take time...time that I am willing to devote to. 

Scared out of my mind, I went to the session expecting to sit down with someone much older than me while they aske me questions and just listen to me talk with a pad and paper in hand, taking notes.  Could I have gotten this SO wrong!  The woman is in her mid-30s, is an avid runner, and has a Mac Book.  Questions were asked, but not in an invasive way.  We actually had a conversation about dogs, running, health, along with the occasional funny stories about her trip up north.  I felt comfortable and cared about...unlike the other situations I have been in. 

 

This past week, I was given "homework."  I was to make a list of EVERYTHING that I have been wanting to do/finish.  This included projects/activities that I started and stopped, projects/activities that I want to begin, and other activities (like chores, errands, paperwork, etc.) that I have been putting off. 

 

I began the list Tuesday morning at breakfast (since I was off of work).  The list went down...and down...and down...then onto the back page.  HOW DID ALL OF THIS FIT INTO MY DAILY THOUGHTS???

 

I was to then place each activity into priority.  I added a step by catagorizing each one by either "Things to do myself" and "Things to do together" (together with hubby).  I then chose one thing off of each list that I wanted to accomplish first and got to work!  By that afternoon, hubs and I were able to knock 2 things off of MY list and 1 thing off of OUR list!!!  WHAT AN AMAZING FEELING!!! 

 

Since then, he has started to take care of things on the "together list" (like hanging apartment decor we got) and we have begun the process of scratching off some of MY list items (like paperwork processes). 

 

I don't know why, but I'm feeling happier and more in control.  If something comes up, it gets added to the list.  It's like a transplant from my mind to the paper.  Kind of like God.  We are to give HIM our worries and give HIM our troubles and trust that HE will take care of it.  I need more of this in my life. 

 

Healing won't happen in one day, one week, or even one month, but at least I have taken the steps to prevent this repetative pattern.  Bad days are still going to come, but I know how to control the depth of my emotional fall.

 

Although I may have faulty wiring,

I'm taking control of the electrical tape.

Hummus Egg Scramble

This recipe utilizes scrambled eggs, raw vegetables, and hummus to create a filling, nutritious meal!  I will list what ingredients I used, but it can be altered to fit your personal taste!

Ingredients Used:

4 eggs

1/2 cup mushrooms

1.5 cups raw spinach

1/2 cup diced tomatoes

1 stalk chives

2 Tbsp. hummus (I used a mediterranean flavor)

How to:

Add spinach, mushrooms, tomatoes, and chives to heated skillet on medium low.

Cook vegetables until al dente.

Add eggs (I used the whole egg, but use egg whites only for a healthier option) and mix with veggies until scrambled.

Continue to mix to prevent burning/sticking.

When eggs are 3/4 done, add hummus and mix until done.

VOILA!

The hummus provided a flavorful twist to the mixture and brough moisture that is normally obtained through milk and cheese. 

Hope you enjoy!!!

2w + 1

No, this is not an algebra problem.  You mathaholics are yelling, "THE ANSWER IS -1/2!!!"  But to me, 2w + 1 = 15...days that is!  15 days ago, I signed up for myfitnesspal at the encouragement of a friend.  I didn't know that I would begin a journey that would forever change my life!

I have always been a big girl.  The only time I saw 160 was when I was a) growing up, and b) training for the military in 2006 (which didn't work out).  Since then, my weight has continued to increase.  I was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma April 4, 2011 and completed chemotherapy that October.  During that process, I gained 30+lbs.  I was lucky to not face severe illness during my treatment, but unfortunately, my body held on to every calorie I was able to intake.  This led to me being at my largest at 266lbs.  I'm 24 years old, 5'5" and obese.  Not a happy girl. 

Dieting yo-yoing has been a part of my life.  My confidence has never been high and I have always felt self-concious.  I finally decided that I had had enough.  So I signed up for the website (free!) and began tracking my food. 

Seems easy right?  WRONG! 

As I began tracking EVERYTHING I was putting into my body, I began to realize how unhealthy I have been eating.  No wonder I have been gaining weight!  Previous to the 15 days, I cut out soda of any kind, then cut out everything except water (altered with Crystal Light or other brands of flavoring).  My caffeine withdraw was horrible...mood swings, exhaustion, enough of a change that my husband about funneled soda down my throat to make me "normal" again!  It has been 5 weeks and, other than my daily cup of coffee (tee hee hee), I have been a water only girl!

Hydration aside, as I began cutting this and that out of my diet and replacing it with healthier options, I have found that my natural energy has increased, I am sleeping better, and I feel "clean."  Yes, I shower!!!  Not THAT type of clean, but a cleansliness in my body.  A couple days into tracking my food, I began working out.  I started walking with my husband 2 miles every morning along our road.  I added some Xbox 360 Kinect workouts, and then started going to the gym (last Monday was my first day).  1 week later, I had lost 10lbs!  WOW!!!  Didn't expect THAT!  I know it was water weight, but still!  What a motivator!!!

I really didnt see how much of a loss it was until I measured various parts of my body.  A total of 7.5" had been shed!  Since then, I have been tracking (most of the time...) and working out.

I started the C25K training and will be running my first 5K September 15! 

It is crazy to think how a measly 15 days can change your life.  All it took was that first step.  Not admitting that you have a problem, but actually physically DOING something about it!  I have a wonderful support system, a reward system set up, and various short- and long-term goals to strive for! 

I took the plunge...are you ready to?