Trudging Along

It's been a while since I last posted.  Chemo is coming along...only 4 more left!  PET CT tomorrow morning.  Hopefully the cancer will be almost gone (or gone altogether!). 

This past week, I have spent some time doing some self-evaluation.  I realized that while I lived in New Jersey, I became withdrawn and lost a lot of myself.  I don't want to go into blame or reasons, but I have done my best to get my old self back.  I am in another relationship...scary since I just left a not so good one, but I'm surprisingly happy and not feeling hesitant about my decision to pursue this relationship.  We have picked up where we left off when we dated before and he has done nothing but bring patience and support since.  Other than that, I've just done my best to stay active and pick up old hobbies in hopes that I'll be back to my old self soon.

I am so ready for this cancer crap to be over with.  It has been a long road so far and I'm trying to stay positive and keep my head up.  I am starting to break down though and am becoming more sensitive the closer I am to the end.  Maybe it is because I am scared that I might have to take chemo longer and the cancer isn't gone.  This is the hardest thing that I have ever had to go through and I don't know where my strength is coming from.  I need some good news on Thursday...I think I will break down if I don't.

Moans and Groans

I wish that I could say that this post will be happy and exciting as my others, but I really need this time to vent.  I just have two simple words: CHEMO SUCKS!!!

Imagine that you have the flu.  Take away the fever and the sneezing/coughing and you have what I'm going through this week.  The pain that I feel in my joints/muscles hurt so much.  I read that light massage helps, so after enlisting my trusty massage therapist (a.k.a. my boyfriend), he was able to provide a small amount of relief just by running his hands over where I was sore.  This relief, however, didn't last long.

I found that my 1 tablet of Flexeril helps some, but I might ask the Dr. if there is something stronger to help alleviate the pain in my joints.  The anti-nausea is working great (Compazine), and I relish in the fact that I'm not praying to the porcelain gods.

I feel so worthless right now because I'm unable to muster enough energy to simply do the dishes.  The boyfriend says that he understands and that it's only temporary and that I'll be back to my old self in no time, but it still hurts not being able to take care of him, let alone take care of myself.  I need some serious strength to get through this. 

On a more positive note, The American Cancer Society contacted me and provided me with a bunch of services that they offer!  Today at 12:30, I will be attending "Look Good, Feel Great" which is a free makeup/skin care course taught by a cosmetologist specializing in cancer patients to help them feel more beautiful despite the side effects of the chemo.  Also, TOMORROW I GET A WIG!!!  No more hairless Tiffany! 

I knew that this road was going to be rough, but I didn't realize how rough it really was going to be.  All I can say, I guess, is 2 down and 10 to go!

Turnaround

I know that I'm late on Madness Monday, but I think due to the current situation that I find myself in, I will be utilizing this blog as a way to share my journey along this path that my life has decided to follow.  It is scary to be told you have cancer...especially when you are only 23 years old.  The experience that I am about to have will be one of pain, laughter, love, tears, and support.  My hope is that anyone that is going through scary situations in their life, that they will find comfort and support here.

Yesterday confirmed the day I will receive what scares me the most...chemotherapy.  Two weeks ago, I received my first cycle of the drugs.  I did not enjoy the upset stomach, the trips to the bathroom every hour, and the restlessness and sleeplessness of the days that went by.  Yes, I am feeling good now, but it has been over a week and I will look forward to the time I feel good again (in approximately another two weeks).  I receive my next cycle this Thursday.  They also want to put a port in so that my veins don't "blow" from all of the treatments.  They want to do that today, but I have yet to receive a phone call, so I might have to vein it out until next week when the port will become a definite appointment. 

I miss Jersey, but it is good to be home in NC around family and friends as I travel this unexpected road.  It is very difficult, though, to be away from my boyfriend who is my lifeline and support.  I love the fact that he has been so supportive throughout all of this and I can not wait to see him again and be wrapped inside of his arms.  I love and miss him with all of my heart.

If you, my readers, wish for me to share anything specific or if there is a fun topic that you wish for me to blog on, please comment!  I am still developing my blog and will utilize any and all advice!

My Apologies

I'm sorry for my disappearing act, but I promise that I'm back.  Unfortunately, I was hospitalized for two weeks in order to undergo tests to find out if I, at 23 years old, have cancer.  I do.  It was diagnosed on April 4, 2011 as Hodgkin's Lymphoma.  It is a scary thing to be told this type of news, but strangely enough, I have taken it pretty well. 

I have already begun chemo, and have come down to North Carolina to be near family and friends through this.  I will still blog and try to keep up, but forgive me if I tend to lax once in a while. 

If any of you have ideas for a Madness Monday post tomorrow, please comment!  I would love to hear your ideas!