Nothing Fancy

No fancy post today. 
No illusions.
No facades.
No omissions.
Just me...

I have been racking my brain for a post topic, but all I keep thinking about it myself and the rawness of how I feel.

I don't know if there is someone that needs to read this message, or if it is for my personal gain (saneness maybe?).  But here it is...

A couple weeks before Christmas, I moved to Franklin without my husband...he worked his two-week notice at his job.  The weekend before the holidays, he joined me.  We were fortunate enough for him to get hired on at Harrah's Casino in Cherokee, and I was lucky enough to be offered a full-time position as well.

I wish I could say that I accepted the position...but I turned it down.

I am almost 22 weeks pregnant...not a good time to begin a new endeavor.  After speaking with the head of HR and employee relations, I found out that I would not be given any maternity leave, and I did not qualify for FMLA until I have been with the company at least a year.  The casino has strict hiring guidelines, and high costs.  Not only are uniform costs deducted from your initial paycheck, but so are fees for your gaming license (required if you work on the gaming floor).  Add the cost of gas and food, and you are in debt before you even start your first week. 

I was advised by the company to either work, resign, and re-apply after I'm ready to go back to work (forcing me to pay the above said fees again), or just wait.  So, after a LONG discussion with my husband, we decided that it would be best for me to just wait.

A few posts ago, I mentioned that this week has been empowering to me.  I have begun to take a hold of my life and be the grown-up that I never felt I was.  But why do I feel so bad?

I have never stayed at a job longer than a year; I have never finished a degree (except for a college transfer Associates); I rarely finish projects that I start...all of these things make me feel guilty.

Guilt...
Maybe that is what I am feeling.

Guilt of being the burden...guilt of being the failure again...of not accomplishing anything...disappointing my husband and my family.

Yes, I'm pregnant, but that isn't an excuse. 
Yes, I'm trying to start selling PartyLite, but it isn't bringing in a steady paycheck.

Maybe it's depression (can't take my meds while pregnant)...maybe it's something deeper...

All I know is that it is wearing me out and I am ready for something positive.  I have been proactive in changing my bad habits.  I have done my best to remain positive and act like I'm happy.  It's hard.  Anyone can relate to this.

PRETENDING TO BE HAPPY WHEN YOU AREN'T IS HARD!

It is actually exhausting.  Blame hormones if you want, but there has to be a reason why today has been so rough.  Physical pain aside (silly baby), I wish I could pinpoint the exact cause of my distress. 

I'm going to try and drown out my sorrows with something productive...maybe working towards a "finished project" will help.  All I can do is try, right?

Wishful Wednesday - Life Repurposed

Welcome to the first week of Wishful Wednesday!

This will be a weekly, themed post of various items that are on my personal wish list!  Each segment will contain a collection of items that are either available to purchase or DIY. 

This week has been monumental to me.  I have reached the point in my life that I realize I need to take control and start fresh.  I have begun many projects this week that have helped me feel refreshed and new!  

So, the theme for the first Wishful Wednesday is Life Repurposed!

ENJOY!

The first is a magnet make-up board that I actually am in the process of creating.  I think it is a wonderful space saver and allows versatility for your own decor!

DIY Instructions Here

The next features a repurposed coffee table that has been chalkboard painted into a game table!  The host website shows many ideas that can be done with such a simple paint.  I would personally make a top for it so the paint wouldn't be ruined if it needed to be used as a table.

Click here for more ideas!

 This is a DIY that I plan on doing for our baby boy out of the husband's old graphic T's!

Click here for more ideas!

This next item doesn't have instructions, but I would assume that the setup for a water fountain would be drilled and adhered to the bottom of the instrument.  My husband and I met during college in the Music Department, so this is perfect for us!

The last is a project that I hope to tackle soon.  I love the idea of using old bed sheets for the "yarn" and the DIY instructions are easy to follow!  Plus, it's machine washable!

DIY Instructions Here

I hope you enjoyed the first edition of Wishful Wednesday.  I hope to receive some feedback with future theme ideas and other segments you would love to read about!  This weekend will feature my progress of becoming paperless! 

Hope to see you then!

~Tippy

21 Weeks and Counting

In my 2013 review, I shared that my husband and I found out we were pregnant!  I'm now sitting at 21 weeks and had the pleasure of getting my anatomy scan done!  Jeremiah and I found out what we were having a couple weeks before Christmas through a "sneak peek."  It's a BOY!  I thought I would share some of the better pictures of the scan.

Please help me welcome the future Mr. Rhys Elen!!!

My little alien baby!

One of many pictures where he is holding his foot!

Profile!

  When I first found out that we were having a boy, I will admit that I went through a gender disappointment stage.  This is our first baby, and I was SURE that it was going to be a girl.  I had EVERYTHING picked out...nursery, decor, name, clothes, etc.  But, I have, thankfully, gotten out of that slump and am now team mustaches and bow-ties!

Hope you enjoyed you own "sneak peek" at the future little one!  Are there any first time mom's out there?  What was your experience?

~Tippy